The Daily Times

I’m not the first person to pop into friends’ minds when they say “Hey, I want to see that (incredibly terrifying movie).”

When it comes to things that go bump in the night, haunt your dreams, slit your throat or bite your neck, I prefer to avoid all of the above. Unless they’re on a CW show, where even the “villains” are pretty men.

This isn’t to say that I’m not making an effort. In fact, I watched “Halloween” the other night all by myself. It’s been a movie that has chilled my blood since the first time I watched it in college. Of course, that viewing was padded by a large football player that helped keep my mind on other things, but it was still scary.

This time, I only had a 10-pound cat to protect me, so I took a few precautions because we all know the chick stupid enough to watch a scary movie alone is always the one that bites the dust. I triple-checked the door and made sure the screen door was locked as well. While we all know locks don’t stop Michael Myers, I wasn’t taking any chances. I also might have slept with a light on, just to be sure I could see him coming.

While I don’t watch many horror movies, I have picked up a few tips from what I’ve seen. And since Oct. 31 seems to bring out even more crazy people than normal, I’ll share them.

• Always know where your pet is. My cat, Mia, is usually never too far from me. She’s more of a roommate than a true pet. But in scary movies, the family dog/cat/rabbit usually bites it. They’re left outside, in another room, etc. If outside, they’re goners for sure. Of course, inside animals aren’t always safe either, a la Glenn Close and “Fatal Attraction.” I’ve got a plan of action to rescue Mia in instance of fire, flood or serial killer. Animals are also vital in helping you discover the killer is near. Ears perk, eyes widen and (in some instances) vocal alerts are given, such as a dog barking. They can be handy to have around. And it’s seriously upsetting when they become a victim.

• Don’t agitate strangers. Don’t make fun of people you don’t know. Don’t irritate drivers of tractor trailers, a la “Joy Ride.” I still get freaked out when I hear a semi blow his horn on the interstate. You don’t know what crazy lurks in the hearts of people, so just don’t risk it. It’s all fun and games till someone lose an eye. Or limb. Or organ.

• Only get involved in hand-to-hand combat if it’s absolutely necessary. Again, as we saw with Michael Myers, they’re not that easy to put down. Crazy people have an unnatural strength. And they’re crazy, which makes them doubly dangerous. Think about the “Scream” movies. Just because you think you’ve killed them doesn’t mean they’re dead. If backed into a corner, fight. Otherwise, flee.

• Always keep a weapon handy. Like I said, monsters, killers and the like are never easy to take down. It’s smart to keep something sharp, heavy or projectile-firing around. There are the simple things like baseball bats and kitchen knives. Both can leave a mark. But if you really want to put the bad guy down, go for the bazooka, although I can’t imagine that license is easy to obtain.

• Run for your life! A locked door doesn’t keep killers out. They can always burst through it. Closets are the first place I’d look if I was trying to kill someone. Under beds. All those not-so-clever places. Don’t try to hide. Just flee. Going upstairs is always a bad option as it’s so easy to push you down the stairs. Or off the roof, if you’re dumb enough to climb out there. Actually, if you’re dumb enough to climb out there, you might deserve to be pushed off. HOWEVER, if you do have to find sanctuary in a room in your home, barricade the door. I’ve been known to push both a small television and a computer monitor in front of my front door when I thought a convict was on the loose in my neighborhood. True, he could have gone through a window but my small barrier was comforting to have, albeit heavy to move. Now if you’re dealing with zombies, run for your life but make sure you’re hanging out with someone slower so the undead will be preoccupied, giving you a chance to escape.

My survival guide doesn’t come with a satisfaction guaranteed clause. Luckily, it doesn’t need to, as life isn’t a horror movie and most things that go bump in the night are all in your head. Or are they? Happy Halloween, everyone.

Amanda Greever is assistant managing editor at The Daily Times. She writes a weekly column in the Sunday Life section. She can be reached at 981-1161 or (amanda.greever@thedailytimes.com) Follow her on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com _editor.