The Daily Times

Fate is a cruel, fickle master.

On Monday night, I went to pick up some food and realized something was terribly wrong. Slowly, it began to dawn on me I hadn’t seen my wallet since Saturday night.

As my evening descended into an entropic Broadway production, I started panicking. I was one or two minutes removed from breaking out into Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “Bali Ha’i,” by way of Alice Cooper.

I was on the verge of my 19th nervous breakdown, so something had to give.

And, I slowly slipped into survival mode.

After double checking the car to make sure it wasn’t in there, my first plan of attack was to call BFF. She’d been driving Saturday night, so I asked her to check her car.

However, my good ol’ friend had another idea.

BFF was driving a rental car all weekend, and she returned it Monday. While she vowed to call them the next morning and search the car, I knew my metaphysical BFF wasn’t having it. Oh yeah, she also called another friend we’d been hanging out with and had him check his house.

Preliminary phone calls? Check.

Did I mention my car’s gas gauge was almost as empty as my stomach? I thought about driving home and grabbing a Christmas gift card, but realized there wasn’t really time. Luckily, there was some cash in my desk at the office, so I could cover my immediate expenses.

Food and gas? Check.

After taking care of these immediate needs, I did a thorough sweep through the car. Nothing. Then the apartment. Nothing.

I looked under seats, between cushions, in the freezer, under tables, you name it. Nothing.

The more I searched, the more I realized the wallet was really gone. My panic level started rising, along with something else: an overwhelming sense of loss. I don’t know if it was these pesky feelings or the apartment’s staid presence of dust and cat fur ... but my eyes began to water. Really bad. A steady stream. Think Angel Falls.

Crying my eyes out while sitting in my kitchen floor? Check.

Hey, I’m a girl. Get over it.

I’d also been checking my bank account and credit card account online to see if there were any foreign transactions from an evil-doer besides my new friend, Mr. N. Tropy. After all, the wallet had been out of my possession for two days, which is plenty of time for cards to be used elsewhere. Accounts were quiet.

Potential evil-doing averted? Check.

The next day was filled with more searching and phone calls, but it was all to no avail. The rental company came up negative, although I couldn’t help but wonder if the search wouldn’t have been more effective if I’d tackled it. Same with the friend’s house. I actually had him search twice, but his luck was no better the second time around.

Fruitless next-day searching? Check.

Wednesday, I decided enough was enough, so to speak. My accounts still hadn’t been attacked, which made me wonder if the wallet was simply misplaced. I searched the car. Again. And the apartment. Again. I even went so far as to dig through my trash, which was thoroughly disgusting. Nothing.

Time to call the ball? Check.

I requested a new license, so I could drive legally again. I started making the calls to cancel cards and went by the bank to withdraw cash. It’d been a while since I had to rely on paper money to pay for my purchases — plastic is much quicker and simpler.

Now, I’ve found the time to get a little perspective.

First (possibly trite) thought, it’s awful to feel completely helpless. Secondly, I really need to get GPS for my next wallet.

And, I’ve totally discovered LoJack, which has “a reputation for unparalleled success in recovering valuable mobile assets such as cars, trucks, commercial equipment, and motorcycles,” according to their rather modest website, offers a system for lost or stolen personal items. It’s called ReuniteIT.

And now, I’ve got a song stuck in my head, courtesy of Peaches & Herb. Can this week can get any worse?

Amanda Greever is assistant managing editor for print at The Daily Times. She can be reached at 981-1161 or (amanda.greever@thedailytimes.com) Follow her on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com _editor.

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