The Daily Times

It was their first Valentine’s Day as husband and wife.

“My then 20-year-old Prince Charming had gone to the grocery store the evening of Feb. 13 to secure a gift of romance for his new bride,” wrote the young wife on her blog. “When it came time to open our gifts, mine was still in the grocery bag. He reached into the bag and presented me with a pink, heart-shaped cake. On the top of the box was a LARGE, neon orange sticker announcing, ‘OOPS — Over-baked. $0.99.’

“Nothing says ‘I love you’ like burnt clearance cake from the Food City.

“I was not quite swept off my feet. After all, I thought I was pretty awesome, and I expected him to be jumping at the chance to tell me how much he loved me, to shower me with affection and love, and maybe even to sing my praises a little bit in a Hallmark card. (I believe the card had a cartoon drawing of a dude with a beer belly and tattoos and had some cheesy one-liner printed in it, with nothing handwritten but his signature scribbled at the bottom.) Instead of a heartfelt expression of his undying affection, I got a gift that cost less than his pack of cigarettes. A gift that he grabbed last-minute, only because he knew he was ‘supposed to.’ ...”

For those who know my daughter and son-in-law, you know this excerpt is from Emily’s blog, “I Do Glue: The Stuff That Makes Marriage Stick,” at http://www.IDoGlue.com . You also know this episode is from their first marriage to each other, a marriage based on “supposed-tos.” Read on:

“I can laugh about this now, but at the time I was hurt. And kinda ticked off. I’m picking only on him in this example (though he actually thinks this story is hilarious …), but at the time it was a perfect picture of our marriage on BOTH sides. I expected him to give his all to make me happy while I did whatever the bare minimum was to feel like a sufficiently ‘good’ wife, while he expected me to devote myself to his happiness while he did the least that he was ‘supposed to’ as a husband. As you can imagine, this did NOT make for a harmonious and fulfilling marriage for either of us!”

Those who know my daughter and son-in-law also know the outcome of this marriage: divorce. But then something wonderful happened. The Author of love applied his healing salve to their souls and then brought them together again.

Emily wrote, “Turning our lives over to the Lord and accepting his gift of his Spirit helped us with the giant key to a happy marriage that we were then missing — the ability and desire to put someone else’s needs above our own. This doesn’t come naturally to our selfish, sinful hearts. He enabled us to truly love like we never had before. His kind of true love gave us an actual desire to serve and show love to each other so that it didn’t feel like a chore, or drudgery, or something we were ‘supposed to do’ anymore.

“This blows my mind because it’s exactly the kind of relationship God wants with us. He says in Hosea 6:6 ‘For I delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice, and in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.’ He wants you to know him, not for you to bring him a crappy burnt cake (showing up begrudgingly to church, routine thoughtless prayer, mindlessly skimming your Bible) because you feel like you’re ‘supposed to.’ He wants you to want His company. He wants you to know Him like you know your best friend and to feel a genuine love for Him. I struggled for years with this because I knew I didn’t love Him and was trying to fake it … because I knew I was ‘supposed to.’ Finally He opened my eyes and showed me that all I had to do was admit that I didn’t love Him and ask Him to fill me with that love. It’s one of the fruits of the Spirit, which are promised to us if we want them. And He answered!”

To say that I’m proud of Emily and Jordan would be a vast understatement. To say that I’m amazed at Emily’s insight and willingness to bare her soul in her blog is an even bigger understatement. They both understand the meaning of a true, biblical marriage now, a marriage strong and healthy because their house is built on the Rock that never fails.

If you get a chance, check out I Do Glue. Emily ends this post with a fitting scripture, Ephesians 3:17-19 — “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

Linda Albert is Sunday Life editor and a staff writer for The Daily Times. Her column runs every Sunday in the Life section. You may contact her at 981-1168 or (linda.albert@thedailytimes.com)

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