Out of the mouths of grandchildren ...
By Linda Albert | (firstname.lastname@example.org)
My daughter Emily has been sharing the wisdom and observations of my grandchildren, Ellie, now 5, and Seth, now 3, on Facebook for awhile now. Say what you will about the black hole of Facebook, it does come in handy for such as this. My third grandchild is due in November and is also playing a nice role.
On this Mother’s Day, I now share some of Emily’s posts, beginning with one of the most recent:
May 5: “Thought I’d actually watch something I like instead of Mickey Mouse just now and put the TV on CMT’s countdown. Lesson learned: Never let my kids listen to a song I haven’t heard before. Thanks a lot, Kenny Chesney, for just teaching my kids that moonshine makes people wanna get naked. Of course they think it’s hilarious!”
May 3: “I got to see a picture today of the tiny little two-inch being who has made me violently ill for the past three months. So cute that I forgave him/her on the spot. ...” (Note from the Mamaw: My prediction is “Boy.” I’ve told Emily that for two years now, just as I predicted the timing and the gender of the other two. Will Mamaw be three for three? Guess we’ll find out.)
April 25: “Oh my gosh ... There was just an opera singer on Sesame Street wearing a low-cut dress that showed a ridiculous amount of cleavage, and Seth said, ‘Mommy! That lady has TWO booties! She has a booty on her CHEST!’ HAHAHAHA! I can’t stop laughing!”
April 17: (The children went on a fishing trip with their daddy and a friend of his while their mommy rested.) Emily posted: “My little Ellie did NOT touch a fish, but she helped reel one in and had lots of fun catching minnows in the bucket with a net. Seth apparently liked the minnows, too. Jordan said he was putting them between his toes and even put one on a cracker and almost ate it. EW!”
April 13: “Ellie was just asking me (for the kazillionth time) what we were going to name our baby, and I told her we still weren’t sure and couldn’t decide. She thought a second and said, ‘If only it came with a tag ...’ Ha!”
April 3: “I got to see my baby for the first time today and watch his or her little heart flutter. The fact that there are currently two heartbeats in my body is amazing to me, even on my third pregnancy. Due Nov. 10 and can’t wait!”
March 26: “Me: ‘Seth, get your shoes so we can go eat.’ (He doesn’t.)
“Allison (their older cousin): ‘Seth, don’t you want to go eat?’
“Ellie (5 years old): ‘Allison, don’t try to reason with him. He’s like a wild zoo animal.’”
March 22: “First trimester exhaustion plus feeling too queasy for coffee plus waking before 7 a.m. to find Seth standing on the kitchen counter, naked and digging through the high cabinets in search of bubble gum plus finding my purse he dumped out in the couch cushions equals unashamedly letting TV babysit my children while I lie on the couch and pray that this baby is a girl ...”
Earlier in March: “Name ideas (for the new baby) thus far: Ellie likes Rose, Polka Dot or Purple for a girl, Seth likes Daffy Duck (regardless of gender) and my niece Maggie likes Puddin’ for a girl. I’m gonna be honest. I kinda like Puddin.’”
Feb. 19: “Today Seth got up from his nap, cranky and scowling, and mumbled/whined something unintelligible. I thought he was saying something about wanting a snack but told him to repeat it without whining. He made a very distressed, serious little face, raised his voice, and said, ‘I WANT WEBBED FEET!’”
Feb. 14: “Ellie, with a voice full of anticipation, as we were picking out bedtime books: ‘Mommy, can we read the book about St. Valentine getting headless?’ My kids are weird.”
Jan. 15: “Seth just pointed to his plate and said, ‘Mommy, I don’t like the opossum.’ Um, it was PASTA, not opossum! I don’t deny a bit of hillbilly in our blood, but that’s goin’ a little too far!”
And my favorite, from April 13, 2012: “At lunch today Seth screamed because Ellie was reaching for one of his M&M’s, and I asked, ‘Ellie, did you just try to steal his candy?’ Her response was, ‘No! I was just trying to let him share it!’ Evidently I’m raising a little politician ...”
Happy Mother’s Day!
Linda Albert is Sunday Life editor, a staff writer for The Daily Times and a proud mother and grandmother. You may contact her at 981-1168 or (email@example.com)