Dads are 'supporting actors' in labor, delivery
By Lori WadeDONA Certified Doula
Originally published: June 21. 2009 3:01AM
Last modified: June 18. 2009 4:35PM
So, you are going to have a baby! All these months have been mostly focused on the mom-to-be. With Father's Day being today, it's a good time to celebrate the role of fathers during labor. Think of it as the mom being the star, and you, the dad, the supporting actor.
Hopefully by now, you have taken a childbirth education class and are eagerly awaiting the arrival of your new baby. Do you know what the early signs of labor are? Where to take your wife once labor begins? How about once you are at the hospital. What is your role? Can a doula help dad, too?
Oftentimes hospitals have one entrance for daytime hours and another for after hours. This is something you should familiarize yourself with so when the big day comes, you'll know exactly where to go. While the mom-to-be has her bag packed full of goodies and necessities, it is important that you have a bag full of goodies too. Labor can be a lengthy event, and it is important that you have snacks, drinks and are well-rested in order to help your partner.
Show time
The stage is set. The time is now. She says "Honey, I think I'm in labor!" How do you know that it's for real and it's time to go? Is she having a few irregular contractions here and there or are they consistently five minutes apart? If she has 10-12 contractions in a row, lasting for one minute and occur every four to five minutes, this would be considered a positive sign that she is in active labor. If she has a "blood-tinged discharge" with the contractions, can't be distracted while having a contraction, and complains of back, and/or abdominal pain, chances are, you need to call your health care provider and get to the hospital. Her water may not actually break until the later stages of labor, so don't only use this as your clue that things are happening.
The show is on. You arrive at the hospital and get your wife settled in. You try to focus on her, but there are monitors, doctors and nurses coming in and out, papers to be signed, calls to be made. What do you do? This is where having a doula comes in. A doula is not only there to aid the mother during labor, she is also there to help the father. She is not there to replace him, but rather walk beside him, encouraging him, and assisting him with helping to make his wife feel loved and supported. All those things you learned in the childbirth class may seem a little fuzzy to you now. Because this is the doula's profession, she is not as emotionally attached to you and your partner and is experienced in "reading" the mother for clues about what is working and what is not. She assists you with suggesting positions, massage techniques and breathing strategies. She is a comforting voice in the midst of a storm. She gives both of you hope and encouragement and promotes your involvement at a level you are both comfortable with. She takes care of the details so you are more able to focus on your partner, and the birth of your baby. Once the baby is born, the doula assists the mom with getting comfortable while you are watching the baby get weighed, measured, etc.
Best of both worlds
A doula is constantly aware of what is happening, and that this is an experience both the mom and dad will remember for the rest of their lives. A seasoned doula makes the dad shine in the mom's eyes. When a doula works with the mom and dad, the mother then has the best of both worlds. She has her husband's love and support and has the doula's knowledge and guidance.
As one father pointed out, "A husband can give a tremendous amount, but there's no limit to the type of comforting, affection and support a woman deserves and needs in labor, and she needs this not only from me, but from a caring, knowledgeable woman too."
The show is over, but it was a blockbuster hit! Dad, take a bow. You have supported the star very well. She couldn't have done it without you. Now you begin anew.
This article was written by Lori Wade, a DONA Certified Doula. For more information about how a doula can offer physical and emotional support to the laboring couple, contact her at loriwade4@gmail.com or by going to her Web site, www.knoxville-doula.com.
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