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Parents can feel inadequate in their child-rearing skills, but parenting with a purpose helps in making decisions with a clear idea of what you want to achieve.



Parenting is a full-time job that requires lots of hands-on involvement. With all of the demands on a parent's time, it's easy to feel stressed and sometimes even lost. Juggling work, finances and family time leaves some parents feeling their parenting skills are inadequate. But moms and dad can be parents with purpose, no matter how busy family life may be.

"Many people are trying to balance everyday tasks while trying to be the world's best parent," says licensed clinical social worker Andy Schriver with Blount Memorial's Counseling and Concern. He points out, that leaves the parent feeling overwhelmed. "There are no easy answers or instruction manuals when it comes to parenting because each child is unique," Schriver says. His advice is to step back for a moment to get some perspective on your family's situation. "Ask yourself if you are parenting with purpose," he suggests. Are you interacting with your child based on a clear idea of what you want to achieve? Schriver points out that tapping into your sense of purpose may help you weather the storm. "This exercise is best done in a moment of quiet," Schriver says. He also suggests getting a pen and a piece of paper to write down your response.

The first step is to take a deep breath. Schriver says then close your eyes, and imagine meeting your child when he or she is 25. "Try to picture in as much detail as possible the kind of person you would want them to be," he says. Write down three words that describe the qualities they have and who they are. Schriver also suggests thinking about how you want your child to act, how you want them to treat other people and what kind of relationship you would like to have with them. "Just sit for a moment thinking about these goals and what parenting is all about," says Schriver.

Schriver defines parenting with purpose as making decisions with a clear idea of what you want to achieve. "Would you go on a long, difficult trip without a map or a GPS?" Schriver asks. "Not if you are serious about getting to your destination." Connecting to your purpose as a parent is a tool you can use in life's difficult moments. "The next time you feel frustrated, angry or unsure of what to do, take a deep breath and bring the picture of your grown child back to your mind," Schriver says. He also recommends making sure the response to your child during these difficult times is one that helps point them to that final goal. "Make sure your behavior helps them become the person you want them to be," he says. It is important that parents align their behavior with what matters the most to them. Schriver says, "This will not solve every situation, but it might help parents become calm and deal with each individual situation as best they can."

The Women's Health column is provided by the staff and associates of Blount Memorial Hospital. It appears every Sunday in Women's Times. For more information on this column call 983-7211.