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Interesting column by the wonderful Amanda Greever in my absence last week, and with Halloween taking place tomorrow, it got me thinking.

I have a general rule when it comes to frightening scenarios, and it goes something like this -- flesh-and-blood madmen/murderers/monsters equals a fighting chance. Ghosts intent on harm, demons and other malevolent spirits ... well, you're just screwed.

I look at it this way -- if Michael Myers is trying to pry the top of my skull off with a can opener, I at least have a fighting chance. It may not be much of one, considering he's apparently almost impossible to kill. Bullets, fire, moving vehicles -- the majority of the time, they only slow him down, but if there's one thing horror movies have taught us, it's that flesh-and-blood baddies will eventually wear down like a toy that runs out of battery power.

They may withdraw to some dark, dank lair to regenerate/recuperate, but you can prevail. And since I give myself a little more credit than most horror movie heroes and heroines, you can at least get in the car and drive 20 hours to Key West. I'm pretty sure Michael Myers/Freddy/Jason can't drive a car -- or at least, it's difficult for them to do so while clutching tightly to whatever instrument of murder they prefer -- and even if they did, I don't think their tenacity would sustain them over a 20-mile drive through to South Florida. Not when there are so many more interesting people than me to slaughter at interstate rest stops. (Another reason to avoid those places, kids. Let that be a lesson.)

And if they did manage to make it down to Key West and find me ... then it's probably just my time. But I digress.

The point is that earthbound creatures, regardless of their evil intent, can be avoided, eluded and outright killed. That T-Rex in "Jurassic Park" might make a formidable foe, but I would imagine a few rocket-propelled grenades would take care of him. Same goes for Jason -- sure, he's lethal with a machete, but unless he's turned into Terminator Jason like in the two-thumbs-down "Jason X" (c'mon -- serial killer in space?!?), then even he can't survive being shoved into an industrial wood-chipper and sprayed across an acre of ground.

But ghosts and demons ... well, your odds are worse than me winning the Pulitzer Prize. If a ghost wants to nudge your wedding ring down the drain while you're doing dishes and then flip the switch on the garbage disposal, there's not a lot you can do to stop it. One minute you're scrubbing dried food off of a dirty plate and the next your hand looks like a half-pound of ground round.

And demons are even more frightening to me. Not because of religious-based fear -- I'm pretty comfortable in my spirituality -- but if a demon decides to make the walls of your bedroom bleed or send a Satanic pig named Jody to play with your child or a furry-clawed agent of darkness to impregnate your girl ... put it this way -- I'm pretty sure there's not a lot of defense against those things. Even if Rosemary had had access to the morning-after pill, I doubt it would have prevented her from giving birth to the prince of evil.

Ghosts and demons ... they don't play, and religious firepower may prevent you from roasting in eternal hellfire, but in the heat of the moment it's a little like snail mail -- God will get back to you, eventually. Good luck holding off hordes of the undead until then.

That's the main reason I refuse to allow The Wife to sign us up if they ever film a remake of "Scariest Places on Earth," the reality show where a family is sent to some haunted/demonic hotspot around the world and sent in to explore, photograph and document whatever they find. Not only are the participants sent to some pretty horrific places -- an abandoned monastery where all of the monks converted to Satanism and sacrificed children during the Middle Ages, an island where bubonic plague victims were quarantined and starved during the Black Death, etc. -- they inevitably run into something paranormal. Plus, it's narrated by a creepy-voiced little actress who was in "Poltergeist" and drags out every syllable like she has emphysema and often features a crazy Scotsman who explains everything in the most dire of tones: "Ye cannot go in there! Anyone who crosses the threshold of the Castle of Otranto will burst into flame and spend an eternity boiling in the Devil's soup pot!"

Needless to say, appearing on such a program is not high on my list of things to accomplish. In fact, I'd say it ranks right below beating Freddy Krueger to Key West before he eviscerates me and wears my intestines for a hat.

Happy Halloween, ya'll.

Steve Wildsmith is the Weekend editor for The Daily Times. Contact him at steve.wildsmith@thedailytimes.com or at 981-1144.