Summary

The season of giving sometimes creates a panic for those not in the position to even provide basic needs for their families. There are ways we can help.

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Other stories in Lifetimes

Cheap Blondes: How to help out in tough times

By Sarah Herron and Amy Habart
Originally published: November 18. 2009 3:01AM
Last modified: November 18. 2009 2:04AM

When someone close to you loses income, it is difficult to know what to do, especially if you don't have extra cash to give. For us, getting through tough times was a combination of laughter, caffeine and vampires (Don't worry, we'll explain the vampire thing).

A year ago, Amy's husband was unemployed, their house had been on the market for six months in Memphis and Christmas was coming, whether they were ready for it or not.

Luckily, she had friends and family who were there to help, not to mention four borrowed Twilight books about vampire love that may have actually been stronger than any antidepressant.

As her friend, Sarah wanted to buy all her gifts and pay her bills. One problem: her husband was being told that a significant percentage of his salary would be cut and the future of his job in the automotive field was uncertain.

Many of us are in the predicament where we know someone who is really struggling but we don't have the means to help as much as we want.

However, that experience taught both of us that actively helping out a close friend or family member dealing with a loss of income does not have to be expensive.

We won't give you the cliche of being a good listener, even though that is important, and a lot of humor and caffeine doesn't hurt either.

Before we get started, we must give this disclaimer: Never loan money or expect anything in return when helping someone. The last thing they need is to feel indebted to another person. Only give what you can afford. Do not overly sacrifice and then regret helping. That does not help anyone and can really do some damage to your relationship.

Which brings us to our number one tip: give anonymously if you can. This will do two things -- help out and keep their pride in tact.

This is not Dear Abby so on with the practical, inexpensive tips we're notorious for giving!

1) Know their situation so your help is a good investment. A person who is unemployed needs cash. A gift card is a nice gesture but rather than spending $50 on one night out at a restaurant, they could buy four meals at the grocery store with that money. On the other hand, someone who can buy groceries but not much else could really use a night out.

2) While you are out running errands, call and ask what you can pick up for them. This will not only save their gas but will prevent them from having to shop, which can be a depressing, anxiety-ridden chore. If they owe you $20, say they owe $10, if you can swing it.

3) Make them dinner. Not only does it help with the expense of food but also a much needed respite from cooking. Finding a job or supporting an unemployed spouse is exhausting work.

4) Solicit help from others or find a point person who can help identify their needs. If several people donate $5, it could make a significant impact on the family's budget for that month.

5) Help them network. Introduce them to people you know, bring them to community functions or ask friends on social networking sites, like Facebook. Do everything you can to get their name out there.

6) Get them out of the house. Ask them to join you for a walk, have them over for coffee or invite them to free church or community functions. When someone is broke, entertainment is the first thing to go but depression can really set in when you're stuck at home.

7) Loan movies and books. Escapism is absolutely critical when things feel bleak. Amy relied on the Twilight series of books from our friend Kate. It is without a doubt one of the key elements of her surviving that period of unemployment and housing crisis. Seriously, if you know of a female who has lost income and is depressed, one word: Twilight

8) If they have kids, offer free babysitting. The kids could use a change of scenery and parents sometimes need some time to just collect their thoughts.

9) Pass along your free items! If you have been reading the column for a while, you know how to get free toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo and soap with coupons. Make a special effort to pick up these items and pass them onto your friend. Not only could they be practical but could even double as stocking stuffers.

10) Help with the holidays. This is a tough season to be out of work so help where you can. Get a hold of their wish list if they have kids and solicit help from others or even through charities. You can also provide ingredients for holiday dishes or baked goods so they can cook a treat for their family or have a dish to take to a party. One of the ways Amy alleviated boredom was cooking.

If you are a family member of someone who is unemployed, give cash. We understand that you might not like to give cash but that's really about you. A job loss means a loss of money. We've heard the complaint that opening money is not very exciting. Hogwash. If you're broke, it's the best gift ever! You can package money in many forms so they still have a gift to open. You may have to be creative, but trust us, that cash will be the most appreciated gift.

Do not leave struggling friends out of holiday parties or other functions If everyone is bringing something, assign something inexpensive like drinks or ask them to host the party in their home (and let them keep all the leftovers).

Remember, the best gift you can give is your friendship and don't be afraid to joke around. Laughter is the best medicine. For us, friendship and humor combined with enormous amounts of discounted Starbucks got us through a really tough time. Do everything you can, use legal addictive stimulants if needed and don't forget, sparkly vampires can help you escape even the hardest times.

Sarah Herron and Amy Habart are excessively cheap and relatively blonde moms who live in Maryville. Their column runs every week in Wednesday's Life Times section. They are available for teaching and speaking engagements. Contact them at cheapblondes@gmail.com and find them on Twitter and Facebook!