AMY BETH MILLER: Crack down on companies

We can debate how far government regulations should go in a wide variety of areas, but I have a a few proposals I think most of us can support.

There are at least three things I think chief executives should be required to do.

Open their product packages in public: Before you can put a product on the shelf in rigid clamshell plastic packaging, I think your top officials need to demonstrate opening it, on camera and without a special gadget.

I hadn’t heard the term “wrap rage” before last week, but it certainly captures the way I have felt trying to open those types of packages. Lately even the food containers made with hard plastic clamshell designs seem to be harder to open without spilling the contents when the seal finally releases.

Years ago I complained to a printer ink manufacturer that was touting how much more environmentally friendly it was being while the product was stuck inside that type of plastic packaging. The company let me know that the wrapping wasn’t its decision, but the warehouse store selling the product, because the design is seen as a theft deterrent.

The original patent for this type of packaging apparently dates to the 1970s. Imagine in the 1970s settling for the type of packaging that was cutting edge in 1920.

Tough packaging isn’t confined to rigid plastic designs though. I also want toy manufacturers to open their products with an eager child beside them, untwisting all the additional ties holding each part in place.

Navigate their voicemail system: Unfortunately I’ve had many experiences over the past few months with one organization that made a mistake on my account.

Not only should it not take five months to correct an error after acknowledging it, but the phone system shouldn’t waste everyone’s time.

Listening to three messages in English and Spanish before being asked to select a language is bad. Navigating through six levels of the menu and having to input my account information before being told the office was closed that day took my exasperation to a new level.

Once I was on hold with an insurance company that played recorded health tips while callers waited. One was about how many seconds you could add to your life through the health benefits of taking the stairs instead of an elevator.

I calculated how many flights I would need to climb to regain the 53 minutes I had been waiting for a response.

At least now some busy call centers give you the option of receiving a call back instead of waiting on the line.

A company’s voice response system can be well done. Years ago when I was working on a publication for administrative assistants, I pitched writing a story about a national catalog-based business with a really good phone recording. My boss immediately knew which company it was, because she had noticed how good it was too.

When I interviewed the person who recorded the company’s messages, she told me that she not only received compliments but also a couple of marriage proposals because callers so enjoyed hearing her.

Use the public restrooms: The size of the stall may seem reasonable on paper, but some designs are so tight that when the door swings in to exit, navigating the space is almost impossible without straddling the commode.

Having your toddler with you adds another level of complexity to the maneuver.

I also think if the head of the company had to use the really, really cheap toilet paper, they might rethink where to cut costs.

Often I’ve considered starting a company called “Common Sense Consulting,” inspired by the number of times I’ve asked myself, “Who, who possibly thought that was a good idea?”

Maybe that’s because a chunk of my childhood was before the creation of the Consumer Products Safety Commission. Give children two heavy tempered glass or hard plastic balls strung together on a rope to bang together. What would possibly go wrong?

Of course you can’t childproof everything. I have a theory that children go through the stage of asking “Why?” frequently because shortly before that they do things that have parents asking, “Why? Why would you do that? Why would you put a raisin up your nose?” (Note: My child did not do this, but I know one who did, and it almost required an operating room for removal.)

I do think there should be accountability at the highest levels for how decisions affect customers. But give the frontline workers a break when you’re frustrated. They probably also were asking, “Who could have possibly thought this was a good idea?”